my world

Following Dreams

2008-07-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

picture taken 7-3-06 from the top of Rocky Butte hill in Portland. (Natures Fireworks - a day early)

So I bought the book, The Alchemist,a few weeks ago, last night I sat down with it for a few minutes, and then later I finished reading it until 4am. (Jacquie, I'll give you a copy)

Very inspiring book, a brilliant way to inspire following your purpose, and finding out what that is, following your dreams.

Then this morning, I went to youtube to watch a flight of the concords video, and on the front page I saw that a man died. Dr. Randy Pausch, a man that was inspirational for a lecture he gave, when he realized he was going to die of cancer.

So I watched a shorter version of his lecture agian (that was given on Oprah) online. It is also about following childhood dreams. This is something that is very timely for me personally, as in about 2 weeks I am going to kind of jump out of the plane so to speak. Every day I have a different vision of what I am going to be doing when I leave work. I have blogged about traveling around the world, I have also had second thoughts about being gone that long, I have applied for the Peace Corp, I have decided I'm just going to stay here and write, or maybe I'll take a road trip, go freelance - starting my own business, or find a fun sexy job, even be a flight attendant again....

I kind of think it might be annoying to my friends, since my plan changes almost daily (a lot to keep up with), but it's like I don't know my own mind. Or the options are so many I just can't choose. I have at least come to this decision. I will spend at least a month focused on listening. This has been my problem all along, wanting to do everything so I don't do anything. One reason I never went to college, was the idea of having to CHOOSE a major was mind blowing-ly scary.

So reading the book last night, and watching this video this morning, kind of put it in focus a bit. That is what, at least the next 6 months will be about, following my dreams... Hopefully I will start a habit.

Here is the abbreviated version of his lecture, I hope it is as inspiring to you as it was to me:

Dr. Randy Pausch passed away the morning of July 25, 2008.

En route

2008-05-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

Sasquatch!!

2008-05-18T13:24:00.000-07:00

On my way...

2008-05-18T10:31:00.001-07:00

Obama!!

Seymour Green Commercial - for the theaters!

2008-05-02T11:38:00.001-07:00

Traveling without a guidebook....

2008-05-01T19:31:00.001-07:00

(I love how I look pregnant and balding in this picture, how flattering)

When I was on my flight to Greece, I thought it would be great to travel to Mars Hill (Areopagus). Growing up in the church I read the bible story about Paul the apostle talking with the great philosophers on Mars Hill. I had always wanted to go to that spot.

So when I was in the Athens portion of my trip, touring around with my friend Brooke. I figured we didn't have time to track down this Mars Hill. We went up to the Acropolis though - following signs hiked above the city. Before we were all the way up to the Acropolis we sumbled upon the hill that I am pictured standing on above. Everyone was gathered around taking pictures. I assumed that it was to get the great vantage point of the Acropolis in the background. We stumbled on the stairs up and down.

When we finally got up to the Acropolis we decided not to hire a guide. We did however follow the rules:

Such as it being forbidden to sing. I didn't sing.

Since we didn't know what we were looking at, we decided to follow around other tours. The upside, there was a few English speaking tours going on. The downside, they were all 80 years old (as most international tours seem to be) so we didn't really blend in.

So we were KINDA able to figure out what we were looking at

I felt good about seeing the ancient ruins and all, but I was bummed I didn't make it to Mars Hill.

Well that was last September.

Last night I happened on a blog about traveling through Greece. They talked about Mars Hill, it sounded a little to much like the hill that I had been to right before the Acropolis...a little too much. After a quick Google search I realized I HAD been to Mars Hill.

What a strange feeling, to find out I had already been somewhere, after thinking I missed out.

Why to travel with a guidebook, or a guide. I should have goggled it on my phone....

I'll leave you know with the portion of the bible in regard to Paul being at Mar's Hill:

A group of Epicurean and Stoic philosophers began to dispute with him. Some of them asked, "What is this babbler trying to say?" Others remarked, "He seems to be advocating foreign gods." They said this because Paul was preaching the good news about Jesus and the resurrection.

Then they took him and brought him to a meeting of the Areopagus, where they said to him, "May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? You are bringing some strange ideas to our ears, and we want to know what they mean. (All the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas.)

Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: "Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you."

...When they heard about the resurrection of the dead, some of them sneered, but others said, "We want to hear you again on this subject." At that, Paul left the Council. A few men became followers of Paul and believed. Among them was Dionysius, a member of the Areopagus, also a woman named Damaris, and a number of others.

Peace

2008-05-01T19:14:00.001-07:00

After spending so much time trapped inside pecking on my laptop,editing and formatting, how peaceful is this? 7pm (ish) sunny, warm.Listening to radiohead and radiohead light (coldplay) outside my house.

I definitely think I have that seasonal depression thing, because I am so happy,hopeful when the sun is out - and the opposite when its cloudy and raining.... Great thing I live in the rainy northwest (personification of gray or grey)!!

Update: while writing this post I forgot my food heating on the oven......blackened now. I do like Louisiana..... ;-)

Death & Taxes

2008-04-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

From where the wind blows there is an end, the end is death, and the death is taxes.

HAPPINESS

2008-04-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

Happiness: a state of well-being and contentment : joy b: a pleasurable or satisfying experience3: felicity, aptness

I read Martin Amis' book Money today (umm...interesting book). From that book: Happiness is the relief of pain.

The bigger the pain, the bigger the relief, the bigger happiness.

I think that is true.

This week

2008-04-13T18:06:00.000-07:00

This week I:

- need to write 100 more pages
- am going back to my natural hair color for at least 6 mo
- will make a decision
- will buy a ticket
- am going out of town for Fri night - Tues Night. But I don't know where yet
- am getting a massage
- am doing things differently
- will get a massage
- celebrate
- pray for more sun
- will not apologize anymore for things I should not apologize for
- center myself
- work at home a few days
- Deep clean the house
- stop being so self-deprecating
- Write 3 PROPER blog posts

This week starts today

Blogging from the trail- kinda wrong in some way...

2008-04-12T16:17:00.001-07:00

Lacamas Trail

2008-04-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Williams Family

2008-04-12T16:14:00.002-07:00

2008-04-12T16:14:00.001-07:00

Logan & Levi

2008-04-12T16:13:00.001-07:00

Lisa Glows

From BBC week in pictures

2008-04-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

"An Iraqi army soldier looks on as a woman picks up rice at a checkpoint in Sadr City, Baghdad. The Shia suburb is suffering food shortages as troops clash with the Mehdi Army militia." -BBC Week in pictures

Is he smiling?!?!?

posing a question.....

2008-04-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

before i hit the town this beautiful Friday night, I would like to pose a question tonight.

Choosing between freedom and stability for the summer - what would you choose? I've had a unexpected offer and I'm having a hard time deciding...

magnolia

2008-04-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

Magnolia is one of the only movies I can watch over and over and over and over....

I just finished watching it again.

observations:

Paul Thomas Anderson is a genius.

I think Tom Cruise may have been playing himself. Just insert Scientology in replace of C--k.

I wonder if William H Macy and John C Reily are better actors because they use their middle initial - while most of us ignore ours. Would I be a better writer if I add my middle initial. It does make them seem smarter for some reason...

The frogs rock.

How did they get a cast where everyone acted spot on. No let downs.

I love that movie. Thank you Marisa for making me sit down and watch it with you back in 2002(ish). I am a better person for becoming addicted to that film.

On another note: I am going to hang out with some friends I haven't seen for years in a few minutes. Exciting.

-T

Out tonight.

2008-03-28T20:47:00.001-07:00

Self medicating. No more management ever. Celebrating living free with
Jacquie.

Shanghi tunnel for happy hour.

Currently at Ron Toms'.

Next up, 80's and just perhaps a little ironic top 40's dance club.

Almost done

2008-03-27T15:50:00.001-07:00

With this career:

Roommates that cook

2008-03-24T11:39:00.001-07:00

Can I say how lucky I am to have a roommate that cooks amazing food?!?!

Yesterday, I had homemade pizza. Yummy!

No really, I am super blessed! I have the best roommate EVER(ish)!

Lamb chops & polenta

2008-03-10T20:56:00.001-07:00

Amazing food ala Lee - brilliant!!

Zoo with Maresa and Simon

2008-02-24T08:29:00.001-08:00

After tea, the zoo

2008-02-23T17:57:00.001-08:00

Tea Two

2008-02-23T11:51:00.001-08:00

Tea

2008-02-23T11:49:00.001-08:00

Tea time with Bonnie

2008-02-23T11:24:00.001-08:00

check it out....

2008-02-22T07:34:00.001-08:00

iPhone Home

2008-02-08T10:34:00.001-08:00

I think I lost my phone.

It's FINE, it's not like it was the most expensive thing I owned (besides my laptop, car and power suit).

Dearest iPhone (Trixie),

PLEASE COME BACK TO ME iPhone - my life is not the same without you. Your my everything (literally).

-Teresa

Big Announcement....

2008-02-06T18:05:00.000-08:00

Big Announcement tomorrow!!

Until then, enjoy this parody of the Tom Cruise CRAAAAZZZZZYYY Scientology video:

We'll talk tomorrow!

Scrabble

2008-02-02T23:37:00.001-08:00

Evil mileage

2008-01-22T17:34:00.001-08:00

on my way.

2008-01-11T11:12:00.000-08:00

I'm on my way.

In a little bit, I may be spending my mother's final moments with her.

You would think I would be prepared for this, it's been years.

but I'm not. not really.

She's been moved to hospice care, which means at the most she probably has six months, according to my Google search, but my father told me they/he thinks its just a matter of days if not shorter. I've been grieving for her death for many years now, her symptoms started over 10 years ago.

Over a decade now, I've been saying good-bye. But now, it feels like it's finally closing in on me. The reality and the guilt. I should have been there more at the beginning, when she remembered me and knew my face. I should have held her hand more. I should have been the daughter she wanted, and I shouldn't have been so quick to leave - always leaving... I should have. Such is life I suppose, and I can't go back anyway.

I came home to grab some items but I don't think I should be driving right now (judging from the truck I almost hit while going more than 90 mph on my way home).

I figured I'd take a moment to write to calm my emotions before taking on the road again.

So here I am.

I've never wanted a Valium or something like that more than I do right now. I can't stop shaking and my mind, my heart is racing so fast I am having trouble processing normally. I just want to curl up in my comforter like a cocoon, all of this emotion like a roller coaster, and I still don't know if its today or tomorrow, or 6 months from now. I do want her to be in a better, peaceful loving place. I do want to let her go, her current existence is barely a existence at all. Yet the finality of her passing is unbearable and the depth of my current pain surprises me.

Her life has been hard, not just the last 10 years but as long as I have known her it's been a struggle for her to be at peace.

So I pray that soon she will have peace.

My mother:

Cara Lea

the artist
the singer
the cook
the mother

she taught me sign language
she could turn a seemingly empty fridge into a amazing meal
she read me the books that inspired me to dream
she read me the books the inspired me to see the world
she had coco and snacks for me when I came home from school
she hand sewed my clothes and gifts when we had no money for Christmas.
she held me when I was scared
she would make us picnic lunches on the living room floor
she wanted everything to be perfect
she sacrificed everything for me and my brother, never doing anything for herself
she dreamed
she loved me even when I rejected her.

My mother was not perfect, I could tell you some stories, but she was my mother and she loved me and sacrificed for me in ways I am only now beginning to understand. I was not the perfect daughter to her, and I was angry for too long. I wasted so many opportunities to bring peace to our relationship. I missed so many opportunities to...I can't process life right now.

I don't think I can process at all right now. Soon I will drive to see her and I don't know what this weekend holds. My good friend Marcia, who I've known since I was 4 and she was 5 and whom knows my family and knew my mother - she will be with me later in the afternoon. I do know if she does go soon, I don't want her to go all alone. I also don't know if I can be with her as she passes, I don't know if I'm brave enough for that. I've never felt so weak and alone as I do at this moment.

the search for my mother.

part 1
part 2
part 3

2008-01-05T13:07:00.001-08:00

I love it!

2007-12-27T20:22:00.000-08:00

Marisa's Famous Crack-Pot Fondue!!

2007-12-24T21:06:00.000-08:00

It's a Christmas miracle!

I shouldn't post this, but I do a lot of things I shouldn't:

2007-12-18T18:35:00.000-08:00

Tonight is magic!

2007-12-12T21:32:00.000-08:00

Brilliant!

2007-12-08T13:20:00.000-08:00

I've heard this is how it goes down... ;)

link found on Dooce.com

Iphone + Itunes = me soon broke

2007-12-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

My current playlist: on repeat

2007-12-01T19:38:00.000-08:00

Sheela-Na-Gig 3:12 P.J. Harvey
The Funeral 5:22 Band of Horses
You Outta Know 4:09 Alanis Morissette
Parting Gift 3:37 Fiona Apple
Wasps Nest 3:22 The National
Swagger 3:39 Calla
F**k the World 3:42 The Vines
Both Hands 3:38 Ani DiFranco
Your Ex-Lover Is Dead 4:16 Stars
This Love Affair 3:13 Rufus Wainwright
Radio 3:22 Regina Spector
That Teenage Feeling 2:43 Neko Case
Mama Your Boys will Find a Home 3:57 Scissors for Lefty
Marry Me 4:41 St. Vincent
SexyBack 4:03 Justin Timberlake featuring Timbaland
Separate Ways 5:24 Journey

you do the math

Mr. President

2007-11-27T08:27:00.000-08:00

With every news channel flooded with the different view points of all of the hopefuls running for president of the US, I think it's time that a different voice is heard.

Perhaps the voice of the current Iranian president. That's right everyone - there's a new blog in town - and it's Mahmoud Amadeinejad's - the tolerant Iranian leader.

I only read a little last night, and already I've learned so much.

Band of horses - now

2007-11-21T23:18:00.000-08:00

My favorite WGA strike video yet:

2007-11-21T15:34:00.001-08:00

one...

2007-11-21T12:21:00.000-08:00

google chat:

12:07 PM "NAMELESS FRIEND": i can wake board but have never been snowboarding...i heard it's similiar
I need to think of something to do for new years

12:09 PM Me: I was thinking of going somewhere...we should go on a new years road trip. or fly to LA for new years or NYC....or stay and snowboard....something exciting

12:11 PM Me: or maybe i'll stay home alone and watch the ball drop :)

12:12 PM Me: as I watch my tears fall.... :)

12:13 PM Me: as the tears fall............................................................................

12:14 PM Me: "all by myself, don't want to be all by myself, anymore, anymore, anymore"
5 minutes

12:19 PM Me: "One is the loneliest number
That you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It's the loneliest number since the number one

No is the saddest experience
You'll ever know
Yes, it's the saddest experience
You'll ever know
Because one is the loneliest number
That'll you'll ever do
One is the loneliest number
That you'll ever know

It's just no good anymore
Since you went away
Now I spend my time
Just making rhymes
Of Yesterday

Because one is the loneliest number
That you'll ever do
One is the loneliest number
That you'll ever know

One is the loneliest number
One is the loneliest number
One is the loneliest number
That you'll ever do
One is the loneliest number
Much much worse than two
One is a number divided by two
"

STARS

2007-11-16T00:00:00.001-08:00

They blew my mind. It was mind blowing. Magic. Magical. Brilliant.
Soul stirring. And they threw flowers.

I sang along to most of their songs like a boy band fan. I was in the
section I would normally try to be hip be cool -aka totally stoic and
unaffected- but I danced and sang along anyway.

Because I couldn't not. (I know at least one person who is cringing at
the grammatic issues in that sentence)

It was a great night.

A good friend + sushi + one of my top 5 bands = a very enchanting
night!!

more writers strike funny escapades

2007-11-14T18:45:00.000-08:00

...with a serious message:

Work went really well!!

2007-11-14T13:34:00.000-08:00

Working my way up I-5

2007-11-14T10:02:00.000-08:00

Shakespeare always says it best.

2007-11-11T11:41:00.000-08:00

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
As You Like It Act 2, scene 7, 139–143

I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano;
A stage where every man must play a part,
And mine a sad one.
Merchant of Venice Act 1

Trucks + Boy Eats Drum Machine = fun

2007-11-09T23:05:00.000-08:00

I'm on shot #3 of tequila, the moral if this story? Top shelf is
better than well tequila, but they all burn when they go down...

last weekend

2007-11-09T15:19:00.000-08:00

Even their strikes are funny.

2007-11-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

hmmm...

2007-11-07T19:19:00.000-08:00

When I was in 3rd grade I remember being befriended by this brown hair boy. I think his name was Nick. Anyway, It was a big deal to have him be my friend, because when I was in 3rd grade I didn't have many friends. Especially not friends like Nick. Nick was one of those charismatic kids that was friends with everyone, and could get away with anything - even befriending the class nerd. I was so happy. He talked to me and played and we even passed notes. He got my jokes and it was great. We laughed a lot.

Well, one day, not realizing that the level of friendship he had with me was the same as everyone else's - nothing special. I decided to pass him one of THOSE notes. You know the notes with the check boxes: yes, no, maybe?

I thought I was going to finally have a boy want to "go out with me" (looking back I can't believe 3rd graders "go out") so I took out my pink pen and wrote the words you can't take back:

I like you, do you like me? Yes, No, Maybe (please check one).

I was hopeful. I took a risk.

I folded up my note like a triangle and wrote on the outside to: Nick from:Teresa and passed it to him under the table.

I saw him unwrap the folded paper and read it as his face turned red. He quickly checked a box and re folded and addressed the note. When he passed it to me I held my breath. I hoped, I hoped and I opened up the note. The box checked was no. My little 3rd grade hands quivered a little. I barely held back the tears and ran to the bathroom. I waited until the ugly cry subsided and came back out into class. The room was filled with ribbing and knowing glances and giggles. I felt rejection and humiliation in a way my little child heart had never known before that point. I knew my friendship was over with Nick.

Looking back to that situation, there are many things I'd like to tell my 3rd grade self. I'd like to tell her about all the boys that will like her and pursue her someday, I'd like to show her pictures of the places that she'll go that she only dreams of and tell her stories of how some of those that mocked her ended up (that's pretty petty though). I'd like to comfort her with tales of men's magazine editors and the rich and the glamorous people that she'll make out with, and date and meet. I'd like to sit her down and tell her about the days in the future when she's a flight attendant and hit on all day by guys much better looking and just as funny as little 3rd grade Nick.

But I wouldn't want to tell her about the emptiness she'll feel after she makes out with one of those random glamorous dudes. I wouldn't want to tell her about the places she'll go that she dreams about - she goes usually alone and never with a hand to hold.

I don't want to tell her that still, over years later at 31 years old when feeling like she is totally fine, secure, confident and happy - she will find herself repeating the same old tired 3rd grade story all over again. Only instead of a note it's a instant message and a email.

That's pretty much the only difference.

How's that for a little Wednesday night vulnerability...:)

-----yes, yes, I may delete this when I think better of it-----

I'm taking a nap right here....

2007-11-01T22:14:00.000-07:00

Guess!

2007-11-01T21:14:00.001-07:00

If you were to guess the collective costs of the below items, how much
would you guess?

If you guessed $25 you would be the big winner!!! I on the other hand
am not the big winner. ;)

Also, I'm eating at the California pizza kitchen where, they do not
serve pizza. But chili cheese fries and tuna salad they do have. You
silly LA airport! Keeping us guessing....I think the crying during the
book I just read gave me the worst headache known to man....the $25
medication is worth it.

Hour one update-

2007-11-01T20:51:00.001-07:00

I just read this book -and it made me cry multiple times. In public.

I have not seen any movie stars, which is just as well, since the last
time I ran into a celeb at LAX I was a bit rude without meaning too...

Flying thru the past

2007-11-01T19:47:00.001-07:00

So I just finished flying on my first paid flight on the airline I
used to work for. First off it was a bit odd flying on the plane I
worked on for a year non-stop. Its been 2 years (which is wierd)
almost exactly and it was exactly the same - the placards and
everything. ;) I felt like I was commuting to work like back in the
day. I almost jumped up and help serve the drinks.

The amazing thing us even though its been 2 years, and there are
HUNDREDS of flight crews, I was excited that I knew a couple people on
the crew, on quite well. It was so great to talk to them, and they
were really, really sweet! I hung out on the plane a little after and
helped clean up and do the seat belts up.

It was like old times... kind of makes me miss it a bit, but its easy
to only remember the good times and forget the bad.

They even gave me a large bottle of water to take with me, which is
fantastic.

So its 7:45 now, I only have until 1:45 am for my next flight, so I
have a few hours to kill -if anyone has any suggestions for a fun
night out at the lax airport, feel fee to leave a comment. Mexico -day
of the dead- awaits.

-courtesy of the iPhone!

On my way

2007-11-01T19:21:00.000-07:00

I just landed in LAX. I'm preparing myself for a nice 6 hour layover...

Oh, you have no idea.....

2007-10-27T23:58:00.001-07:00

More to come...

Have fun in Bend, Matt -great show (that's currently happening)

2007-10-27T00:30:00.001-07:00

Jonah Halloween show -farewell show for Matt! :(

2007-10-27T00:13:00.000-07:00

The Dimes, dressed like dry cleaning!!

2007-10-26T23:16:00.000-07:00

Jonah # 2 and super creepy!

2007-10-26T21:27:00.000-07:00

Jonah-Halloween style! #1

2007-10-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

Halloween!!

2007-10-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

Driving!

2007-10-25T14:38:00.000-07:00

Fall!

2007-10-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

The picture- kitty cat!!!

2007-10-23T20:30:00.001-07:00

8:25 PM - preparing

2007-10-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

Planning

2007-10-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

Before

2007-10-23T20:15:00.001-07:00

A ten minute post

2007-10-22T19:38:00.000-07:00

I really want to post a real blog entry tonight. Not just a picture - but I have 10 minutes before I go out. So I have 10 minutes to post something of substance and interest. I think the best way to get this going is to post a random picture from my flickr page as the illustration for the post (if you will).O.K - so I randomly picked a number and then found that number ranked picture in my flickr - and that is the picture of the post. That should give us a good start.

here it is:

boy eats drum machine

The picture is from a BEDM show at Holocene. Good show, good venue.

The first time I went to Holocene I was with my friend Michelle. I believe we were fresh flight attendants at the time, because it was before I had ever been to NYC. The night in question, I was getting ready to go out - when my contacts ripped. Instead of wearing glasses and ruining my hip image, I decided to go blind. What we girls do for beauty is amazing...

So Michelle had to not only guide me around, but described the club to me...now when I say I was blind, I am not embellishing or exaggerating. (for a change) No, when I am without visual help, all I can see is a mis-mash of colors fading into each other....Like a blurry kaleidescope.

So she described the club as all white, with colors and projections of plants on the walls - she said it was sleek like a NY club (which at the time I had not yet seen, but I could imagine). She described how hip and cool everyone was dressed. And most importantly she made sure I knew which boys were and were not my type. The more I partook in beverages, the less clear my vision was - which is saying a lot. It was like I was in a world of visual sensory deprivation - mixed with audio overload. People came to talk to us, and their faces looked like hazy monster faces. Despite that I felt like I was in a world of wonder. I've never really done drugs but I imagine it would be like that.

As the club got louder, and I got dizzier - she announced we were going with some friends we just met across the street. Across the street was a strip club.

Now this strip club, I must say was smoky and dark - the colors were kind of angry and the music was disturbing bad top 40 music. I saw outlines of dancers and the smoke kind of choked me. I am up for new experiences, and all - but this was a bit overwhelming. I sat in the back and waited for the these new friends and my friend to have their fill of their fun.

When they were done they asked what I thought of the dancers being all nude. I was shocked to learn that they were - that I was just in a bar with a bunch of nude women. They didn't believe me that I had no idea, but honestly I thought they were all wearing tan lingerie. I was happy to leave that place.

Later, with my contacts in - I went to Holocene again, probably the next weekend. This time I was able to see for myself this NYC styled hip club. Now, it was cool - and I still think it looks sleek and modern - don't get me wrong. But it never quite met up with the description of Michelle's and the waves of white and colors from my first time there. I almost prefer the hazy not quite visible version to the stark real version.

I think that is how it is in my life sometimes - I prefer the hazy glorious versions of the moments I've experienced in life rather than the stark real ones - no matter how great the real one is. But the problem with that is eventually you go into the hazy places and the colors aren't pretty anymore, and the bright color's turn dark.

I think it's better just to wear my contacts (or my glasses - which by chance I have to wear for the next few days)...live life in the clear.

Well, it's been 10 minutes. (good thing I type fast)

Ciao!
-T

My weekend..

2007-10-22T16:28:00.001-07:00

a life to learn by...

2007-10-21T16:21:00.000-07:00

Picture of the day

2007-10-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

I want to be there right now, listening to my new obsession - In Rainbows, Radiohead

An open letter.....

2007-10-14T18:42:00.000-07:00

Dear _________ ,

There have been many times I've almost written this letter to you in the past. I would start to type or write and after just a few words I would have to stop. Today, I'm going to try again. This time we'll see how far I get.

First off, I realize the way things ended the last time was a bit abrupt. It must have seemed as if I was there, and then gone. Like I disappeared. I understand how dis concerning that may have been for you. I am sorry for that. I know it's been a really long time. I have no excuse for that. I have no excuse at all.

Although, I have no excuse I would like to give you a explanation. Have you ever known there was something you had to say to someone, or something that needed to be put right - but when you started to drive over there, or pick up the phone it was like a giant lump growing in your throat? Well, maybe it's just me, but that's how I've felt. Frozen.

Sometimes the things that need to be said the most, are the hardest words to get out.

I have tried. I can't even count the times I was only one exit away from you, but I couldn't turn off the freeway. I've made plans and broken them too many times.

I want you to know I do miss you. I really do. Sometimes I miss you so bad that I can't breathe. I can't even talk to anyone about it. Which is weird, because you know how sometimes I just can't stop talking. I talk and talk and talk - I am a verbal processor that verbalizes more than processes. Yet this is the one thing I talk to no one about.

I know that we fought. Oh did we ever fight. I don't think I've ever fought with anyone as much as we did. I've never really yelled before you. Nor have I since. We were so emotionally charged, all our interactions. Especially towards the end. No one could hurt me like you could with just one word. I'm afraid to admit I'm sure it was the same for you. I'm sorry for being so selfish and pompous. I wouldn't be surprised if the words I yelled and dropped in anger were damaging to you beyond repair.

Please forgive me for the anger. For speaking to you like I knew everything. I realize now, I knew nothing. Nothing about what you've gone thru. I didn't burn this bridge, I blew it up -- and I tried not to look back.

Well I'm looking back now. I think in this case I have to look back. To see you, before I can go forward. This stagnate place I've been floating in the last few years will only continue to fester unless I finally resolve this. I've noticed every relationship in my life is colored by how I've treated you.

I know I need to let you back in my life, I just don't know how to do that. I don't know where to start. I'm scared. I'm scared to see who you are now. I know the last time I saw you, you had changed so much. Who are you now?

Every time my phone rings part of me thinks it's going to be that call, the one that says your really gone - and I have no chance for a do-over. I remember when I was a teenager working in a facility like the one your in, thinking how could their family members ignore them like this? How cruel.

Now I have to admit I'm the cruel one. I've let my fear and pain of seeing you the way you are, selfishly incapacitate me from being there for you.

What is worse, even now as I write this I don't know how I'll get the courage to come see you. I fill my time as full as I can so as not to think about you. I always am though, I always am.

I know you'll never see this, nor would you even understand the words if I read them to you.I know this is a practice in futility.

I am sorry mother, you gave everything up in your life for me. You weren't perfect, far from it but you gave what you had to give. Thank you Mom. I'm sorry I never got to know you as adults. I'm sorry I've rejected you, and turned away in fear and pain. I'm sorry I let my own pain keep me from being there for yours.

I will try, I promise. I will change whatever I need to in my life so I can be there. I tried today, and I got a little closer than I have for a long time. I will try again.

Sincerely,

T

Den of Pigs

2007-10-14T18:03:00.000-07:00

I love the power of youtube.com. I'm sitting here watching a Mock-umentary about mail order brides. And there is a funny scene..... within 5 minutes I've found the scene online.

It won't let me embed the video here, but here's the link.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_VgQMUhVOV0

This is also a little intense:

Now remember, this is a MOCKumentery, not real.

When lightning crashes the world is alive.

2007-10-10T18:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I jump in my car, turn whatever is in my CD player to the highest volume, and scream as loud as I can. I scream to feel alive

I feel the same way when I'm standing on the beach watching the ocean crash or standing in a country I've never been before.

Sometimes I sit in my room, writing or watching a movie - and everything inside me wants to just feel alive. But I bottle it up and turn up the volume or refresh my myspace screen :)

Below is a portion of verses from Ecclesiastics 11 that Beth sent out today:

"Oh, how sweet the light of day, And how wonderful to live in the sunshine!
Even if you live a long time, don't take a single day for granted. Take delight in each light-filled hour, remembering that there will also be many dark days and that most of what comes your way is smoke.
You who are young, make the most of your youth. Relish your youthful vigor. Follow the impulses of your heart. If something looks good to you, pursue it. But know also that not just anything goes; you have to answer to God for every last bit of it.
Live footloose and fancy free - You won't be young forever. Youth lasts about as long as smoke.
Honor and enjoy your Creator while you're still young, before the years take their toll and your vigor wanes, before your vision dims and the world blurs and the winter years keep you close to the fire."

In a way, this could be a part 2 from my last post. The above quotation is further inspiration to me to get on with the business of what I want my life to look like. Every part of it. While I'm here - on this earth, and before my vision dims and my world blurs, I don't want to waste one more effing minute. I want to feel alive, not just stagnant and floating down life.

I want to BE alive. I want my life to be every bit that I dream it to be - no longer do I want to procrastinate the big dreams of my heart. But I want to live them. To make a difference to my friends, to the world around me. Not to just take.

Everyday, somewhere lightning crashes, but we can wait forever and only manage to see it out in the distance.

Perfect Endings

2007-10-09T22:22:00.000-07:00

A friend and I were talking tonight, and I wondered aloud - if you could see yourself in 1 year, what would you want to see you life be? And you doesn't have to be realistic - you can have the fairy tale

We then went back and forth and listed all the great things we wanted out of life. All that could maybe come/appear in a year.

The question came up because of a movie we had watched earlier. The did a flash forward at the end 'One Year Later' and showed all the characters with perfect endings and glorious lives. Everything they wanted had appeared, all with those magical words of movies - 'One Year Later'.

It reminded me of growing up a bit ostracized and definitely out of step. I always wanted to be in the inner circle of the 'cool' kids, I wanted the clothes that were of the moment, I wanted the cute boyfriend. You get the drift I'm sure. And perhaps because I've seen one too many movies - I would always say - Next year. Next year I'll have better clothes, or I'll show up at school and everyone will see how cool I really am. Over the summer, I would plan my grand entrance (In jr. high I imagined walking into class with Mariah Cary playing in the background - SOMEDAY ).

But then September came around, it was back to school - and you know what, I was always still the same person, with the same problems and the same life.

Now, over the years I have changed in a lot of ways. Most of the changes happened when I stopped planning my grand entrance, when I stopped worry (as much) as to fitting in and being the same as everyone else. If I am to be honest though, I still have this perfect life for myself in my mind, and I still think to myself, in a year - next year - one year later. I picture the perfect life, and I am content to think, well, maybe next year my life will look like that.

The thing is, it never does. Life isn't like the movies. But what about right now? What if right now I decide to just be it, if I want my life to look a certain way - why wait for it to magically appear next year. What would happen if I just tried to change it right now. Right this second?

What would that look like? I know that I would have to take a few more risks than I currently feel comfortable with. I know I might need to make some tough decisions, there might be sacrifices, but what if I just said (And pardon my language)"Fuck It".

Fuck it all - wasting my money on crap, watching T.V when I should be writing, spending so much time at movies watching other people (fake people) have life changing moments - instead of having my own. Because instead of trying to live my life to the fullest - Part of me is still the girl with the braces, the giant glasses, the insecurity - that wants to fit right in and look like everyone else.

I could be wrong, but based on the parts of my life that have changed for the better, I think I have to really let that part of me go - and just start to live my life. Not waiting....

Instead of 'One Year Later' maybe I can make it - today?

"Like all great travelers, I have seen more than I remember, and remember more than I have seen." – Benjamin Disraeli

2007-10-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

so true, esp. the end.

2007-10-03T17:05:00.000-07:00

my adorable neice.

2007-10-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

update-ish

2007-10-03T00:18:00.000-07:00

I know, I know it's been forever and forever since I've posted anything beyond a few pictures here and there. Ridicule me, I understand.

I should post stories from my trip to Greece, and I do have some stories - including the best wedding ever,and the cute Australian guy that proposed to me after a sweet kiss in one of the most romantic spots - on a ferry, seconds after the top picture was taken. (I sadly had to say no because it was just too much of a commitment, esp. after knowing each other for only a few hours. I thought it best to end the relationship when the ferry docked - It's just too hard to go backwards when you say no to marrying them.).

Also I met three of the most fantastic girls that were attending the wedding.

I ended up being super blessed because they had a empty bed in their villa, so I got to stay with them. Not only was it a money saver (that left funds for shopping at H&M) but I was most lucky to meet some of the smartest, classiest, cultured, funny (beyond funny), well traveled girl friends. I feel really blessed!! And I hope we stay friends beyond the normal flash in the pan travel friends you meet on the road sometimes.

Also, there were our adventures with "Sweet Pea" the rental car without a working 1st gear. She was testy, French, and pea colored but she was ours:

Anyway, there are so many stories I could tell you:
the dancing until 6am, beach bonfire with Jonny giving a unplugged show, the amazing food, learning the Greek dancing, dinner and posh clubs in Athens,unexpected side trips to Budapest,amazing ice making bags, mouse ca ca, floating on the clearest water I've seen, naked old men covering the beaches, seeing my friends from home in a far away land, midnight swimming and so much more - but there's just too much.

For a last minute trip, in which I only stayed for 5 days - it was probably one of my best trips yet. wow.

Greece!

2007-09-17T23:25:00.000-07:00

GREECE ROCKED! - I was only there for 5 days, but it was very much worth it!

I need a map.

2007-08-25T20:56:00.000-07:00

I've found I've been getting grumpy, short and distracted lately.

When I feel unfocused, I know it's time to get away, so a few days ago I decided to go to a wedding in Greece, I leave on Wednesday.

I better get a map though....

sometimes...

2007-05-14T19:07:00.000-07:00

...when your a girl.

My #1 fear during my childhood

2007-04-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

This was my #1 biggest fear during my childhood - I should mention, I grew up during the 80's...

if you can't see this, click here

Death

2007-04-02T22:28:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching the last episode of six feet under agian.

actually, it was the last 5 minutes (you may not want to continue if you don't want to know the end)

the part where claire is driving thru the desert and it flashes by the deaths of all the characters.

what struck me this time, was the end years. ya know, 1976-2054. As everyone's lifetime flashed up at the screen the end years really hit me.

It caused me (a bit franicly) to calculate what year I would die if I lived to 70,or 80 or like my grandfathers before me - to 100. When I hit 70 - I went backwards and calcuated how many years were left before then - because to me 70 is the definition of old age.

39 years until 70. 29 until 60.

my mother started showing symptoms of Alzheimers in her early fifties.

19 years until 50.

I feel as if time was running out. Like there is something that I'm supposed to be doing, accomplishing and I haven't even started yet.

A few months ago I was walking down a street in Portland, OR called Hawthorne. I watched a little girl about 10 or 11 walk by me. I thought to myself, I wonder if when I was 9 I could see where I am now and be happy about what I've done/become in my life so far.

I began to take a inner tally, the places I've seen, the experiences I've had - and in somethings I felt pretty ok. But in others, in others I did not. I had this unsettled feeling as if I was just running away from something, just filling my life with destinations and "good stories" to distract me from the hard parts in life - or something that I was supposed to be doing, accomplishing.

I told myself, I'm still young I have time.

but the years do go by faster and faster. As the quote goes - time stands still for no man.

Tonight, as I counted up the years till old age and death - I remembered that day on Hawthorne and so far the unsettled feeling reappears and it's not going away.

I suppose life is meant to be lived - and I should get about the buisness of living it. But what does that really mean?

Perhaps my life has become too self-centered, to easy to escape.

I apologize for the morbid post.

Any thoughts on this? Cause I'm all tapped out tonight. I don't think this will lend itself to very sweet dreams - but dream I will, because sleep calls.

When I die, and I suppose we all must, how will I be remembered? - and will my existence even make a ripple in the world.

last scene of Six Feet Under

if you can't see the above video - here's the link

A Magic Moment

2007-03-25T20:32:00.000-07:00

Soundtrack for this post: Start Today Tomorrow – Youth Group

This morning after a very brief cleaning rampage (very brief) I settled in my room and flipped on my brilliant cable. I landed on Before Sunrise, that movie from 1995 with Ethan Hawk. Those were the days when his greasy hair was cool and hot. Now I just want him to take a shower.

I stuck with the movie though; it reminded me of perfect moments. Of brief but perfect moments. If you haven’t seen the movie it’s a dialogue driven film about two people that meet on a train ride and end up spending the whole night walking and talking in Vienna. It’s like a relationship encapsulated in one night.

I had a moment like that once myself. I was spending the Fourth of July weekend in Washington D.C like a real red and white American. That night was one perfect, short moment.

It started at the base of the Lincoln Monument at the edge of the reflecting pool. Looking over the Washington Monument and watching the fireworks explode across the sky. It was perfect. The patriotic music in the background, and the insane crowds were a little much. Other than that, it was brilliant. After the excitement was over I walked with my old friend from Portland and my new friend from Germany (who I must say was a little shocked by our patriotic display) thru the emptying streets of D.C. We made our way to the train station and found ourselves at a row of bars in the Foggy Bottom district. I am a fan of any district called Foggy Bottom.

We floated from bar to bar. My friends ready to leave. We were flying out the next morning.

The last bar we went to I met someone. Inconspicuous, I don’t even remember his face. We talked immediately of his return to the states from Iraq. He said arriving in D.C during the forth of July was a shock to him, from Iraq. It went from “hi” to deep within minutes. I left my friends to their cab and my brand new military friend took a walk at 1am. (This didn’t go over so well, mind you)

We walked thru monuments and past historic buildings, past hotels and drunken people cheering at the night and talked about life and the past and the future. We spoke of our dreams and who we wanted to become. Of politics and religion. There was no small talk.

We sat on a park bench. I held my knees to my chest as he spoke of the children in Iraq that he befriended and I cried. It was like magic. Like meeting someone for the first time, but they instantly understood everything about you. Connection.

Eventually the sun rose over the capital and he put me in a cab. We were both flying out in just a few hours.

I rode in silence to my hostel. My friend was still sleeping. I lay in my bunk at the hostel putting off packing up and waking my friend. I knew that it would end the magic. When I finally decided to start the day, it did. My friend was upset at me; we ended up going to the wrong airport and missed our flight – stuck there for another 12 hours. The moment was lost to real life.

I never talked to that stranger again, we exchanged a few emails. A year later while in D.C, I thought of him again. I wrote him from my hotel and he told me about being engaged and how he finally felt like he found a home. It was just a perfect moment.

Today, I thought of that story – then hearing a couple friends talk about relationships coming to a end, and others talk about relationships going to “the next level” or starting, the story echoed in my mind.

A reminder that something’s are meant to be there for just a season, just a moment to remind us that there is magic still out there – it still exists. However, that there is a magic or a connection that isn’t for just a moment – that reverberates – and lasts. That lasting connection or magic is what starts families and friendships that live forever.

I finally accept the fact that even the short lived moment like a one first date that brings chills and causes unending smiles – but never produces a 2nd date is ok too. More than ok, it is moments like these that make up a life well lived. Sometimes it takes moment’s like these to lead to the one that lasts forever.

what i've been doing with my very busy life

2007-03-21T19:40:00.000-07:00

just in case you weren't sure how interesting the life I lead is.

A new favorite...

2007-03-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

This Band ROCKS!

John Vanderslice

2007-03-01T21:54:00.000-08:00

This Artist is still my favorite.

October 2005, I had just stopped flying. I put down my wings and wasn't sure where to go from there. October 5th, 2005 was my offical last day.
That month, finally home on a weekend, and able to hang out with my roommates. They invited me to tag along with them to see a artist I was told was really good.

I had spent my life on the sidleines of good music. Knowing the names of bands that had proper "street cred" I could tell if a band was icky or good. I liked listening to bands. However, with no stero in my car and just a few tracks on my laptop I had less appreciation and more slight awareness of music. Except Elliott Smith, I always loved Elliott Smith.

That night however, I entered the Doug Fir Lounge, happy to be "looking good" wearing new brown boots and out on the town. I was content with that, sucking down a few malibu and cokes. Then, I was seperated from my friends. In the crowd.

I looked up to see a modest looking band come on stage, a orlando bloom look-a-like on bass and good looking curley haired guy on keyboards. John Vanderslice opened his mouth. I never don't remember the first song that was sung, but I do remember I was suddelnly hit, like chills, like magic.

I was transported with each song into amazing stories, of bunnies running away and Joan Crawford at 21. Melodies that made me want to fly. There are no words however to properly describe how his music impacted me.

Coming home that night, and thoroughout the next week - I aquired every song I could. Hours listening to his music evolved into inspiration that brought me to write agian. His song's inspired stories that made thier way into short screenplays. Then I started listening to more music, different music.

Weak, and trying to recover, I would spend hours in my room daydreaming to David Bowie then Calla, The National. (Thanks to musician roommates - I was given some great music)

Now it's Radiohead that I listen to on repeat for hours at a time. Mixing in Bryan Free, Boy Eats Drum Machine, Crosstide, Sicssors for Lefty, Stars of Track and Field, The Shins, Derby, Jonah, and so many, many more - I am now obsessed with music.

John Vanderslice opened a door for a new phase in my life that started when I hung up my wings in listening and now selling merch.

I had helped a few friends selling merch at a couple shows (cd's, shirts,etc)but what started out as selling merch for John on his next show in Portland as a fan turned into a week on the east coast finding out what stand up guys they all were. I spent a week driving my rental car and listening to music. It was heaven.

Since then i've had the pleasure of selling merch, and working with some other amazing musicians - This myspace site wouldn't exist without that week.

Also since October of 2005 I've also had the pleasure of seeing other shows that felt like magic. Take the Shins show a week ago yesterday. Miracle.

All this post is to let you know that John is going on tour agian this spring - check him out! I don't think you'll regret it!

Music has become my new escape, but what a fantastic escape it is.

His info:
Johnvanderslice.com
http://www.myspace.com/johnvanderslice

Meme Wierd!

2007-02-19T18:39:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged!!

The Rules:
People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you have tagged them in their comments & tell them to read your blog.

1-I am addicted to downloading TV shows on Itunes. It's too the point where I download them even if I know I can watch it somewhere for free. I also download show's that I don't think I would ever watch on television - shows like The Agency. I've been spending quite a bit of money on Itunes. quite a bit

2-If I like a song, I tend to listen to it on repeat - sometimes for a month at a time.

3- I have a laughing problem. I laugh at inappropriate times. Such as funerals, weddings and Midnight masses - also when someone is telling a really horrible story. If there is a moment of silence, and I know I shouldn't laugh - I will laugh, and very loudly.

4- I have two gym memberships, but i don't use either one.

5- Each week I find a different wierd food combination, and eat it everyday for dinner - last week was chicken taquitos dipped in hummus with a side of cottage cheese - unless..

6- I eat out - for every meal. Every day. This causes a bit of a dent in the finances.

I'm gonna tag:
1- Emtotheizo
2- Bonika St James
3- Lavalier
4- Kazu googoo
5- Feaversh
6- Sloop

Beauty and the Geek

2007-02-18T21:01:00.000-08:00

oh my.

My roommate and I sat down today and watched a Beauty and the Geek Marathon.

It was utterly brilliant.

Much to Much

2007-02-17T12:59:00.000-08:00

Picture by Marisa Swenson

A beautiful almost spring day outside, a light wind. I'm sitting just insde a window trying to find a way to escape from my own skin.

This week I've had the following revelations:

1)A person's intergerity is not best seen by how they enter a situation - a new job, new roommates, a relationship, etc - but their integrity is shown by the manner in which they leave.

2)Good music has the ability to transport you anywhere you want to go and make you anyone you want to be - but only for that one song.

3)A film that is horrificly acted, directed and written - can still be a satisfying way to escape.

4)Forced love day (valentines) is a scary holiday. Much scarier than halloween.

5)Insecurity and loneliness is far more intoxicating than liquor and can make you just as drunk, and there's just as much regret in the morning.

6)Dancing is the best medicine.

8)To write is great.

9) Travel is as addictive as cocaine (well, I don't have first hand knowledge of cocaine - but I'm sure it's the same)

10)Myspace is my best and worst friend.

11)The Office is a great TV show, but almost too close to real life.

12)A shirt can sometimes be worn as a dress and visa versa.

13)If I could really live wherever I want, I might still choose where I am now.

14)Good friends are worth more than anything.

15)There are more than two sides to every story - I belive it's more like ten.

16)Wes Anderson is a genius (I already knew this, it's just more apparent this week after mulitple viewings of The Life Aquatic)

17)I really cannot connect with any guy if he likes The Grateful Dead or Any form of teeny kid pop.(not that there is anything wrong with either)

18)Dancing and Singing in your car is highly underrated.

19)The long version of Pride and Prejudice is better than the short, anorexiac version.

20)No matter how much I wish I lived in a different time, a different decade. I am stuck here.

21)Don't Always double down on eleven.

22)Meatloaf is good.

23)Taquitos are brillant recovery food.

24)'24' is great.

25)Someday I will just get on a plane, email my friends and family from a far off airport and travel for at least a year, all around the world. There's just too much to see.

26)If I ever get married, #25 would be the best honeymoon ever.

27)The chances of #26 seem slimmer and slimmer.

28)Boys will say or do whatever they have to.

29)I act the part of being a adult, but I'm still not there yet.

30)I'm going back to bed.

Sorry for my absence...

2007-02-02T17:23:00.000-08:00

...I've been working on my goals.

Starry Night

2006-12-16T15:31:00.000-08:00

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya...

Portion of Hallelujah -by Jeff Buckley

I was driving home from a Christmas tea - and listened to this song on repeat - it was a version on a Starbuck's CD - Lifted (preformed by Rufus Wainwright). It is on repeat now.

This portion of the song is such a strong visual for me. I pictured the moment, like I was writing a film.

A scene in a movie - a lonely, emotional King David - pondering the stars. Glancing over to Bathsheba on the roof - perhaps she bathed there every night. On her roof. This time, the full moon shone - revealing her. A private moment - soaking in the stars - she worshipes the stars, the God, missing her husband - a husband she didn't even know. She stares up at the moon, the stars - floating in a tub - a pool, alone. Not knowing that cataclysmic love/lust was in a seed form, about to change her life and end a life.

Was she so enraptured with the moon and the stars that she was didn’t notice David looking on? What did was she thinking about as she stood revealed, under the moonlight?

The stars have been such a powerful force for me.

A picture of God. A photo of wonder: The stars from Mt. Hood as I stood on my ski’s, the moon reflecting off the snow; The stars from the beach – standing on the edge of the pacific – in Oregon, in Costa Rica – different stars – different skies – but the same feeling – of peace and of longing for more as the stars reflected of the ocean; The stars as I climbed Mt. Sinai on a camel- like a Christmas postcard with silhouette’s of the camels against the sky in front of me.

On my last trip I was at a Bedouin dinner in the desert of the Sinai Peninsula. I wandered away from the fire, the candles and the group. I walked away - and stood staring at the stars. Alone.

I wish I could have taken a picture that would have captured the way the sky looked that night. The stars covered the sky. The desert hills in the foreground, silhouette against the still night. I felt so small and was captivated. Time froze, my mind wandered. God, love and hope felt real and tangible. For a moment, I felt peace.

Is that how she felt?

Under a sky like that, it seems as if anything could happen. It seems ok to be alone, it seems fitting to stand still with no one else around.

This is why I travel. I travel to leave the land which is so bright with its own light; you can never see the stars. I travel to visit lands where you can look up and see shooting stars. Where I can be anyone I want – and where life seems a little more profound.

I wonder if she stood on her roof, bathing in the moonlight – in one perfect moment, one moment of peace before her world was turned upside down and inside out – and prayed? Were her prayers answered?

Did she know that everything was about to change?

It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu...
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelu...
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Portion of Hallelujah -by Jeff Buckley

Red Sea

2006-12-14T16:27:00.000-08:00

Poster Girl for Team Zizzou

Click on the above picture to go to a slide show of my Red Sea Snorkeling experiance. Taken by Big Blue Diving. I almost died.

Egypt

2006-12-12T10:25:00.000-08:00

Click on the picture above for a slide show of my trip to Egypt. Because I lost most of my pictures, (see post below for details) most of these are from my friend Sarah Nashif. To find out who took the picture,during the Slide show you can click on a picture that will take you to a page that shows you the details of the picture - if on the left hand side the tag says Sarah - then she took it. If nothing, then I did.

I will seriously post more about my trip, but in the meantime, I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Ciao!